My Turn: What I’ve Learned
Life is a tough teacher. It’s tougher when you don’t listen.
I suggested you approach learning as a joyful pursuit, which I would not have done if I didn’t love researching and learning new information so much.
Seriously. I love geeking out with a new topic, especially if it’s a topic that has practical application in the real world or in my writing. Even when I’m struggling with some element of story – a scene that doesn’t work, dialogue that wanders, description that feels trite – I love the hunt for good advice and creative strategy. I treat writing blocks as puzzles to solve and get a bit tingly when it all comes together.
So what have I learned? I’ve learned a lot about writing and being creative and being true to yourself. I’ve already shown you quite a lot of that. That’s the point of this series. I hope sharing what I’ve learned shortens someone else’s learning curve or helps them feel less lost or alone.
But there’s more!
Study
I have written that I’m a jack of many fields of knowledge but master of none. This is true. I tend to follow an obsession for as long as it intrigues me, but no further. I wish I had chosen a few topics to which I could have truly dedicated myself, but sometimes life gives you enough energy to get from A to Z and do a little shopping without a lot left over. I am satisfied with my capacity to research, learn, and retain new information and that’s sufficient for me. I know that if I want to throw myself into a field of knowledge, I’m capable of it.
These days, I tend to learn what I need in the moment for my writing. Medieval weaponry, how tornados form, life in 1930s Arkansas, President Eisenhower’s initiation to expand the interstate highway system in the 1950s and its repercussions for small town America, the contents of London’s Victoria and Albert Museum circa 1890. Much of that goes out as soon as I get it into a document, but I have it and I confess getting lost in the occasional research hole.
Experience
Life is a tough teacher. It’s tougher when you don’t listen. If you don’t learn the lesson the first time around, the next test in the same subject is more difficult.
Here are a few things I’ve learned, and some of this required summer school. I don’t have the space to tell you how I learned all this, but believe me…I have stories.
Never let anyone else define what success looks like for you. Set your own goalposts in life. Move them if you like, but never let anyone else touch them.
You cannot please a person who does not want to be pleased. You will know this person cannot be pleased because they will keep moving your goal posts.
You cannot help a person who does not want to be helped. If you keep trying, they will drag you down to their level. Sometimes this level is underwater.
If someone takes advantage of you or treats you with disrespect, the first time is on them. If they do it twice, it’s because you’ve given them permission.
A cheater will cheat, no matter how often you change the rules to accommodate them. The same applies to people who ignore boundaries.
Never assume a conspiracy without first ruling out incompetence and greed.
Never trust a creative person who is not generous with advice, and never take advantage of one who is.
Ask for help when you need it. The people who love you want you to ask.
When you have the chance to pursue an opportunity, ask yourself which part of you wants it: Your soul or your ego? Chase the goal that satisfies the former, be wary of the goal that intrigues the latter.
Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary. That’s Oscar Wilde, but it’s true.
Never marry someone who doesn’t love the movies you love. Sooner or later, that person will not love you. That’s Roger Ebert, and that is also true.
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. That is from the Book of Matthew and that is also true. Apply this advice to people and book reviews.
You’re lucky if you believe you are. When you feel unlucky, look for the silver lining.
The best way to learn is by doing. Try, fail, and try again. Learning what not to do is also valuable. You’ll figure it out.
Trust your gut. Believe in yourself. You may achieve only 10 percent of what you want in life, but that’s more than zero and more than most people do.
Dreams will shrink to fit into the space you make for them, but dreams will also grow to fill the space you give them. Plan accordingly.